A DPS Top 5 and Digital Downloads

Top 5 Future Objects

5. Flying Cars: We all thought the turn of the century was going to be miraculous. We were going to have flying cars that they were going to release on Jan. 1, 2000. They would soar with the greatest of ease and be able to dodge air traffic. We’d all be safe in out amazing flying cars! Instead we got a scary virus, a year that eerily resembled 1999…and George W. Bush…
4. The Ban Hammer: It’s not really a real thing. Just something someone cooked up on the internet to say when someone was on the verge of being banned. In my future, it is possible for a mod to access the hammer, send it through the spammer’s screen, and physically kill them with a hammer that says “BAN!” on it.
3. GOOD Fruitcake: You all know what it is. It’s that brick with brightly colored cement stuck in it that grandma sends you EVERY FREAKING CHRISTMAS! The worst part is when she comes to visit…then, your only choices are to suffer the consequences of Fruitbrick or hide the evidence and mumble “Mmm. Delicious, granny!” all weekend.
2. Chinese Democracy: No. Not for the country. The damn Guns ‘N Roses CD. In the year 2025, we’ll all be part robot and the only music we’ listen to will be Techno and Public Access Music. Even if this bleak future isn’t true, by 2025…will anyone care?
OMG! You’re In Teh Game!: One of these days, someone is gonna make something that actually puts you in the world of the game and lets you physically act it out. I’m gonna be the one laughing at you when Blanka pulls you into the TV and starts beating the crap out of you.

Let’s move on, shall we? I was at Wal-Mart and I was staring at those glass cases with their games in them. And that’s when I realized something. Most stores that don’t specialize in games have reduced the number of games they sell since I was little (I ended up checking a local Target and K-Mart as well). I don’t know if this is a universal thing, or if it’s confined to certain cities and towns, but it is a trend I’ve noticed since the early 2000’s. Maybe it’s the stigma that’s been put on gaming? Jack Thompson never helped with this stuff and then there was all this stupid Fox News garbage with Mass Effect and the “SexBox”. Maybe it has nothing to do with that. Maybe they’re tired of the masses of sweaty game nerds making their aisles smell bad when a highly anticipated game comes out (seriously…if you’re one of those people, pick up a thing of Speed-Stick or something. It isn’t that far a walk).

It could be either one of those, but I think these retailers are predicting the future here. As developers realize that a retail game isn’t the only option, they decide to put games on PSN or XBLA (WiiWare? Are you kidding me?). Think about Warhawk. Developers made it available on both the download front and the retail front, making it accessible to all. SOCOM: Confrontation might be just as good because of the choice Slant Six are giving the gamers. Be honest, how many of you that are buying SOCOM are buying the retail version for the headset. If not, you’d just buy the downloadable version. That’s one of the minor things. You can’t download an extra bonus that comes with the retail version (Really? You mean my Master Chief helmet ISN’T going to come out of my TV? Awww, man…). That means special editions that have these bonus materials would be a thing of the past, and developers wouldn’t like that potential loss of cash.

The biggest issue, though, are the games themselves. Imagine…2009. You’re sitting with your PS3 controller, staring at your television screen. You’re all pumped to download Final Fantasy XIII and you click download…and the time remaining is seven years. You see the big problem. Things like Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy, Grand Theft Auto, Halo, Gears, etc. are impossible to download without trying to eat your own face. Not to mention all the delays that come with many people all over the world wanting to download the game at the same time…that would be…freaking…mind…numbing.

So, yeah. Smaller games (like SOCOM and Warhawk) are great ideas for a downloadable front, but so long as peripherals, Collectors Editions, the DS, and huge ass games still exist…retail isn’t going anywhere.

DeadpoolSkye

How My Future Was Decided (AKA Farewell EGM…way belated)

“This can’t be right…this isn’t happening, is it?” That’s what I asked myself when I stared at the news. 1UP has been purchased by UGO Entertainment…and this is the list of people that have been cut. I looked at that list so many times. Shane…Nick…Anthony…Mielke…Fitch…David…those people are the ones I looked up to. Them and everyone else that were let go in the wake of this heavy blow to video game journalism.

I figured out what I wanted to do when I turned thirteen and asked my dad to buy me the July 2004 (Issue 180, DRIV3R) issue of EGM from our local Wal-Mart. I began to flip through the pages and reading snippets of the magazine. I was immediately drawn to how they wrote and the personality behind each sentence. I found myself going back to the beginning and reading the whole thing cover to cover. I decided I was going to become a journalist and try working for EGM. At the young age of 14 (the next year), I began looking at colleges online that had competent English and Journalism programs for me to focus on. I ate up all the information I had and tried to form an individual style of writing I could use to differentiate myself from the pack. I saved class assignments I got 100% on so maybe I could start a portfolio of work that would impress someone. While everyone else stumbled at the question “what do you want to do when you grow up?”, I shot out “writer for EGM” before the question even finished coming out of their mouths. Video games made me happy…writing made me happy…perfect combination…

I was ecstatic when I finally got my own computer as opposed to having limited time on the family one. That meant I could practice writing even more. My stack of EGMs were growing at an immeasurable rate…so much so that they needed their own shelf in my room. If I ever felt some sort of block or if I needed some inspiration, I always grabbed a copy of EGM with an editorial or article that was fresh in my mind to scan. It always seemed to pull me out of a rut. I wrote numerous short stories and “mock articles” about video games I’ve played to add to my portfolio (tentatively dubbed “the 1UP Files”). I even think I got a A+ on a magazine assignment I had to do for my English class because of all the articles I had prepared on my computer. I was set. I had a few colleges I picked out to tour when I got into my Junior and Senior years and I continued to study hard in school; not just in English, but in every subject. Let’s face it. A nice college doesn’t want to see F’s in everything except English, no matter how focused you are on that career path.

I focused a lot of time on this whole writing thing because of EGM. I kept coming back to it all the time because of the awesome people behind the work. I got compliments for being so responsible and looking ahead into my future…and then I read the news and we’re back to where this blog started from. After I came back from the initial shock, a few things came to my head. Maybe I should give up. Maybe I should start looking for something else to do in life…

I’m 17 years old, but I’m not afraid to admit that I broke down. The way this was happening was all wrong. All the writers I looked to for information and the magazine I looked at to help me to, not only, pull myself out of ruts, but to look at reviews of games that I trusted were gone. I thought my dreams were destroyed and I was ready to blame UGO…Hearst…anyone that was even responsible for this whole thing going down.

You know…it’s amazing how much a deep breath can accomplish. I thought about it, and I realized that I needed to continue doing what I was doing. I was inspired to write for EGM and that launched me into something I want to do forever, whether it be freelance writing or even novels.

That’s it. It’s something that I’ve felt strongly about, but haven’t really had the nerve to post. It’s a fairly short sentiment, but it’s all I can write besides this:

Former 1UP Staff…if you happen to be reading this, you should know that the fans of everything you’ve done are thanking you right back…especially me.

Aging Well…

I love my newfangled video game tapes. I never get tired of shooting another alien or jumping over another pit. The ability to play a game successfully with awesome controls is a nice feeling, no matter how you slice it. Older games, however, don’t do as well nowadays as we remember them. I think the game Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64 is a good example of a game that was amazing when we first saw it, but pales in comparison to Halo, Call of Duty, and Killzone 2.

There are a few rare expections, as I discovered this past week. While rummaging through a few old CDs, I found the game Crash Bandicoot: Warped (the third game of the original series). I played this game on my Ps3 (which miraculously plays PS1 and not PS2 games because Sony decided to take that out to make the dang thing cheaper instead of the unneccesary Blu-Ray player).

Anyway, playing this game reminded me of when I was 10, playing on my Ps1 and failing so hard at this game. It was fun, though, which is all that matters. I’ve had many years since then and I believe myself to be fairly good at video games. I’ve worked on my timing and stuff, and this game has given me infinitely more fun. The more I play this game, the more I wish Naughty Dog would take the series back and make a game like this.

Of course, it isn’t without it’s flaws. I lost many a life due to misjudging jumps and glitchy spots. The controls don’t feel as smooth as I remember and the graphics are not that good anymore (having been spoiled by Metal Gear solid 4 and Killzone 2). However, with tighter controls, great graphics, and the same old Crash Bandicoot formula, I think Naughty Dog could have their favorite son back on track.

And for goodness sake, make it PS3 exclusive! PlayStation is where Crash Bandicoot belongs. Put it back there!

-DPS

One fish, Two fish…(SG Blog: Oct 14, 2008)

Have you ever just stared at the Aquarium Screensaver? I mean just stare at it for a few hours? That’s what I did this past Saturday…because I have no life. I was just transfixed by the beautiful colors of all the fishies floating gracefully by.

Anyway, I downloaded what I consider to be the best looking Aquarium screensaver ever! My favorite was the clownfish. Its little flippers were just flipping by. I just can’t believe I never appreciated the beauty of the computer Aquarium. It almost tempts me to buy some real fishies…but I’ll forget to feed them and then they’d die…and then I’d be sad…and then I’d be too depressed to write anything.

I honestly can’t wait for Microsoft Surface to come out, because I can interact with my fishies instead of just watching them…I could probably even tap the screen to “feed” them…I doubt they’d die if I forgot, so bonus points! I’m seriously going to buy that clunky big ass table just for the inevitable aquarium (not really…I’d have to cry myself to death in that case…and I really would cry…like a man, of course, but cry I would). I might even purchase the “Salmon” microtransaction and place it in the “Frying Pan” App. Then I could cook the virtual fish and look at it until I decide I should go to Red Lobster. I love that place…I feel sorry for the lobsters in the tank up front though. I’ll still eat them, but I’ll feel a bit more guilt.
Oh well…

Kickass Weaponry
Over the years, video games have offered us many memorable characters. These characters compel us and draw us into the story…but how often do we pay attention to their weapons. Those awesome things that make playing as the compelling character juts that bit more special. Instead of writing a huge feature, I’m going to count down my top 10 Kickass Weapons in Video Gaming…and I invite you to do the same.

10. Meat – Mortal Kombat: Nope. Not those cleavers he carries, but Meat himself. He makes this list by virtue of randomly ripping off limbs and using them to beat people down. He would have been #1…but I realized that everything else about him sucked.
9. Gravity Gun – Half Life 2: I love this thing because you can pick up a rock and bludgeon your opponent with it from afar…again….and again…and again…
8. Laser Sword – Halo: It’s sooooo cheap…but if feel so good when you uppercut some poor, unsuspecting n00b and watch them plummet to the ground crying for their mommy…yeah. I’m mean.
7. Random Crap Cannon – Fallout 3: The game isn’t out, but the idea of launching a flaming teddy bear at someone’s face…that’s just amazing (I know that’s not what it’s called, but that’s what I’m gonna call it).
6. Rocket Launcher – Almost every FPS EVER: “I don’t like you, you freaking camper! You and your stupid sniper rifle…I’m going to do exactly what I hate and camp as well, and then shoot you with my kickass rocket launcher. It doesn’t matter if I hit you in the arm. You’re gonna go squish.”
5. Gunblade – Final Fantasy VIII: Squall was a whiny emo b****, so why do people love him so much? No…it’s not the gay fanfiction they can write…it’s that awesome gun…sword…? The Gunblade is kickass just because you can slice someone’s arm off and then pop a cap in their brain. That’s smooth.
4. BFG9000 – Doom: I don’t know what the hell that stuff was…but it was pretty damn awesome. Plus, any weapon that has f*** in it’s name is kickass on its own.
3. Bionic Arm – Bionic Commando: It would be cool to have this thing grafted onto my arm…especially if I could turn it into a hand. I’d never have to catch a bus to school ever again…I could just zip around like a awesome-er version of Spiderman.
2. The Lancer – Gears of War: I don’t even have to explain this. Chainsaw=Good, Gun=Good, Chainsaw and Gun = GOOOOD!
1. Portal Gun – Portal: The reason why the portal gun PWNS everything on this list is because you can use it to move out of the way of something and/or deflect things. Every game should have a portal gun…no matter what kind it is.

That’s my list, folks. Before I move on, honorable mentions go to The Groovitron(Ratchet & Clank), The Glaive(Dark Sector), The Fireball(Mario Bros.), The Anal Probe(Destroy All Humans), and The Nintendo Power Glove(by virtue of being one of the single most antagonizing deaths of your social life ever). Someone should make a game with all of these weapons. The licensing would be hell, but we’d get an awesome game. The Power glove would be the most dangerous…

If you don’t agree with my choices for any reason, leave me a comment with your top ten…or top 3…or top 1. Whatever you have time for, I don’t care. I’d like to hear what you think.

The DPS Graphics Corner
Here’s something special. I made this the other day just because. I was worried about how it would turn out (since I was just using the picture and a few simple background effects), but it did OK.

 

Tasty Tidbit
We all know the little Italian plumber was originally called Jumpman…and that Mario wasn’t the flagship Nintendo title (DK…Donkey Kong…), but do you know why he had a hat and a mustache?
Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario creator, made Mario with a hat because he found it difficult to draw hair. Likewise, a mustache was a lot easier to draw than a mouth, since a mouth would be a lot harder to see in the pixels of that day and age.

Let’s give a hand for laziness. That’s probably the reason I’d make my character wear a hat…even though I suck at drawing hats too. Put it this way: If I ever post on this blog (or anywhere else) that I want to draw art for a video game, grab me, tie me to a chair, and then slap me until I cry for my mommy…I should be ok by then…and no. You DO NOT have permission to do it whenever you feel like it.

As a bonus tidbit, Mario’s full name is Mario Mario. Think about it. If you lump Mario and Luigi together, they are called “The Mario Brothers”. Luigi’s name isn’t Mario, so I’d assume their full names would be Mario Mario and Luigi Mario…just saying…
———————————————-
That’s it handy dandy readers. I’m very tired and would quite like to go to sleep…and I think I will.

-DPS

What’s up?

I like to write. It’s what I love. I’ve been looking for colleges that will help me feed that hobby and help it to grow into a career. I always wanted to work on EGM (Electronic Gaming Monthly), and actually based my aspirations around doing that. However, with the recent closing of this magazine, that dream turned out to be a far off fantasy.

That doesn’t mean I’ll give up either. I want to continue writing for the rest of my life and I want to share that with you. check back…at some point. I’m sure it will be updated every year or so.

-DPS